恩典国际圣经学院

第五课 生气的解决方案
lesson 5 Anger Resolution

Anger Resolution 生气的解决方案
Case Study … 1 案例研究… 1

What follows is not a typical case study vignette, but an illustration that helps to understand how confrontation and anger are related.

下面的不是一个典型案例研究,而是一个帮助理解冲突和生气怎样联系的例子。

Evaluate the following statements: 评价下面观点

Circle One 圈起一个

An email reads, “YOU ALWAYS MAKE THIS MISTAKE!”

Confrontation or complaint?

一封电子邮件写到:“你总是犯这个错误!”

抗议还是抱怨?

Someone hollers: “Whoever ate my pizza is going to pay!”

Confrontation or threat?

有人大叫:“谁吃了我的披萨要掏钱!”

抗议还是威胁?

A team mate asks, “Just what is your problem, Jake?!”

Confrontation or outburst?

队友问“杰克,你咋回事?”

抗议还是发脾气?

Terms/Definitions … 2 术语/定义… 2

Anger is an emotional response demonstrated by both God and humans.

生气是神和人都会表达的情感反应。

Anger can be a spiritual or sinful emotion.

生气可以是一个灵性的或罪性的情绪。

Anger always finds a way to express itself.

生气总是寻找发泄方式。

There are levels to anger:

生气的级别:

1)displeased – a feeling of disappointment

不悦—— 感觉失望

2) annoyed – a feeling of frustration or uneasiness

烦恼—— 感觉受挫或不安

2)provoked – a sense of offense or irritability

受挑衅—— 感觉被冒犯或激怒

3)indignation – the feeling that things need to be corrected and made right

义怒—— 感觉事情需要被纠错或改正。

4)wrath – the strong desire to seek revenge; hostile

愤怒—— 寻求报复的强烈愿望,敌对

5)Incensed – an inability to control one’s emotions

怒不可遏—— 无法控制情绪

6)Rage – a hostility that becomes part of one’s personality

狂怒—— 敌意,成为人个性的一部分。

(Selzter, Leon F. 2014)

Causes/Character … 3 原因/特征… 3

Conflict resolution has to do with anger management. How we handle anger has as much to do with the type of anger we feel. What follows are a few rules to help identify the nature of anger and conflict resolution.

解决冲突的办法和如何管理生气问题有关。我们如何解决生气问题和我们感到生气的类型很大关系。以下是帮助辨别生气的性质和解决冲突的方案的几条规则。

Rule #1: It’s Up To You 规则1 由你决定

Read Matthew 18:15-20

读马太福音18:15-20

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.

倘 若 你 的 弟 兄 得 罪 你 , 你 就 去 , 趁 着 只 有 他 和 你 在 一 处 的 时 候 , 指 出 他 的 错 来 。 他 若 听 你 , 你 便 得 了 你 的 弟 兄 ; 16他 若 不 听 , 你 就 另 外 带 一 两 个 人 同 去 , 要 凭 两 三 个 人 的 口 作 见 证 , 句 句 都 可 定 准 。 17若 是 不 听 他 们 , 就 告 诉 教 会 ; 若 是 不 听 教 会 , 就 看 他 像 外 邦 人 和 税 吏 一 样 。 18我 实 在 告 诉 你 们 , 凡 你 们 在 地 上 所 捆 绑 的 , 在 天 上 也 要 捆 绑 ; 凡 你 们 在 地 上 所 释 放 的 , 在 天 上 也 要 释 放 。19我 又 告 诉 你 们 , 若 是 你 们 中 间 有 两 个 人 在 地 上 同 心 合 意 的 求 甚 麽 事 , 我 在 天 上 的 父 必 为 他 们 成 全 。 20因 为 无 论 在 那 里 , 有 两 三 个 人 奉 我 的 名 聚 会 , 那 里 就 有 我 在 他 们 中 间 。

Identify the steps Jesus lays out for dealing with conflict or confrontation.

确定耶稣列出的处理矛盾或冲突的步骤。

Evaluate: Confrontation is a matter of “all or nothing”.

评价:冲突在于“要么全部要么什么也没有”。

How would these steps/principles apply to a work place or family confrontation?

这些步骤/原则怎样应用于职场或家庭冲突?

Rule #2: Clarity and Empathy 规则2 :澄清和同理心

Read Galatians 2:11-14

读加拉太书2:11-14

But when Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong. For before certain men came from James, he was eating with the Gentiles; but when they came he drew back and separated himself, fearing the circumcision party. And the rest of the Jews acted hypocritically along with him, so that even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. But when I saw that their conduct was not in step with the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter before them all, “If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you force the Gentiles to live like Jews?”

後 来 , 矶 法 到 了 安 提 阿 ; 因 他 有 可 责 之 处 , 我 就 当 面 抵 挡 他 。 12从 雅 各 那 里 来 的 人 未 到 以 先 , 他 和 外 邦 人 一 同 吃 饭 , 及 至 他 们 来 到 , 他 因 怕 奉 割 礼 的 人 , 就 退 去 与 外 邦 人 隔 开 了 。 13其 馀 的 犹 太 人 也 都 随 着 他 装 假 , 甚 至 连 巴 拿 巴 也 随 夥 装 假 。 14但 我 一 看 见 他 们 行 的 不 正 , 与 福 音 的 真 理 不 合 , 就 在 众 人 面 前 对 矶 法 说 : 你 既 是 犹 太 人 , 若 随 外 邦 人 行 事 , 不 随 犹 太 人 行 事 , 怎 麽 还 勉 强 外 邦 人 随 犹 太 人 呢 ?

How did Paul demonstrate clarity?

保罗怎样澄清观点?

How did he demonstrate empathy?

他怎样表达同理心?

Rule #3: Aggressive or Assertive? 规则3:争强好斗还是坚定自信?

Read Ephesians 4:26-27

读以弗所书4:26-27

26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

生 气 却 不 要 犯 罪 ; 不 可 含 怒 到 日 落 , 27也 不 可 给 魔 鬼 留 地 步 。

If you are angry at someone should it be highlighted?

如果你对某人生气,要气势汹汹吗?

If you are angry at someone should it be glossed over?

如果你对某人生气,需要加以掩饰吗?

While we do not want to put our confrontation on hold, why would it be wise to wait until your emotions have settled before you confront someone?

既然我们不想冲突持续,为什么不明智地等情绪平息再面对别人呢?

Heightened anger: Can this be a help or hindrance in confrontation?

怒气高涨:这在冲突中起帮助还是阻碍的作用?

Counseling Advice … 4 辅导建议… 4

The goal of conflict resolution is to establish a sense of clarity; the point at which all people involved have an understanding of one another. Again, this is what we call empathy. The first kind of clarity is easy: “I feel this way.” This approach only takes a personal view on the matter at hand and doesn’t necessarily consider the other individual. The second involves a little more work: “I believe that you feel this way. But I feel this way.” This requires work because human beings are not naturally empathetic beings.

解决冲突的目的是要有清楚的认识;使涉及的人都能达成共识。再说一次,这就是我们所说的同理心。第一种澄清感受很容易:“我这样感觉。”这一步仅采纳当事人一方的观点而未必考虑其他人。第二种涉及到更多工作:”我相信你的感受,但我的看法是这样。” 这要求做工作,因为人们不是天生就能产生同理心。

How we say something is just as important as what we say. In fact, there are some words that ought not be used in conflict resolution. These are as follows:

我们怎么说和我们说什么一样重要。事实上,在解决冲突中不能使用下面的某些词语:

Things NOT to say 不要说的话

  • Never 从不

  • Always 总是

  • All the time 一直

  • Constantly 不断地

  • You! 你这种人!

If we are attempting to demonstrate empathy in our conflict resolution, why would those words/statements not be appropriate?

如果我们想在解决冲突时表达同理心,为什么那些词语/表达不合适?

It is important to validate a person’s anger and to encourage their emotions to regulated and expressed in positive ways.

认可别人的愤怒,鼓励他们控制情绪,并以积极的方式表达很重要。

Steps to Follow … 5 遵循步骤… 5

There are physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects involved in the control of our feelings. It is important to lead a client to learn how to set appropriate boundaries around emotional triggers.

要控制我们的感情,涉及到身体的,情绪的,灵性的诸多方面。重要的是引导心理辅导对象学会怎样围绕情绪导火线规定合适的界限。

1)Focus on the Issue. Help the individual to identify what is the real source of anger. There are physical changes that can occur when one is near the source of the anger: raised heart rate, tensed muscles, sweaty palms, or clenched teeth/jaws. Once a potential “trigger” is identified, it is important to take note of it. It may be a particular situation, individual, or even a past memory that trigger this emotion.

专注于问题。帮助个人确定生气的真正根源。当人靠近生气的根源时,身体会产生变化:心跳加速,肌肉紧张,手心出汗,咬牙切齿。一旦潜在“导火线”被确定了,记录下来很重要。可能是一个特别的情形,个人,或甚至过去的记忆触发这种情绪。

2)Calm Down. It is important for the individual to learn how to prevent anger from escalating. Walking away from the situation is the best option. Communicating those

冷静。务必要学会如何防止生气升级。绕开环境是最好的选择。进行沟通交流。

3)feelings is also important. A person could write them down in a private journal, speak with a trusted friend, and also pray to God to ask for perspective in the matter.

感觉也很重要。人应该把感觉用个人日记写下来,和信赖的朋友交谈,并向神祷告寻求神的旨意。

4)Control the Situation. Refer to Causes/Character section above.

控制局面。参看上面的原因/特征部分

Light on the Path… 6 路上的光… 6

Read Genesis 4:7 ~ “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

读创世纪4:7“你 若 行 得 好 , 岂 不 蒙 悦 纳 ? 你 若 行 得 不 好 , 罪 就 伏 在 门 前 。 他 必 恋 慕 你 , 你 却 要 制 伏 他 。”

Evaluate: Cain did not have a problem with anger, but with how he reacted in anger.

评估:该隐没有发怒的问题,但他为什么发怒?

With whom should Cain have been angry?

该隐原本对谁发怒?

What other emotion developed toward Cain’s brother as the result of his unresolved anger?

该隐对他弟弟的怒气得不到解决,产生什么其他情绪?

Either we rule anger or it will rule us! Review some of the points discussed in this lesson and explain how the Lord helps us to make anger serve us rather than we serve anger.

或者我们控制生气或者被生气控制!复习本课中讨论的几点,并解释神怎样帮助我们制伏怒气而不是被怒气制伏。

References: Selzter, Leon F. (2014, January 2 ). The Anger Thermostat: What’s the Temperature of Your Upset? Psychology Today.

Christian-Counseling-Part 1
基督徒心理辅导 大纲
Christian Counseling Catalog
第一课 上瘾
lesson 1 Addictions
第二课 抑郁症
lesson 2 Depression
第三课 焦虑
lesson 3 Anxiety
第四课 妒忌和羡慕
lesson 4 Jealousy and Envy
第五课 生气的解决方案
lesson 5 Anger Resolution
第六课 愧疚和羞耻
lesson 6 Guilt and Shame
第七课 悲痛和损失
lesson 7 Grief and Loss
第八课 自尊
lesson 8 Self Esteem
第五课 生气的解决方案
lesson 5 Anger Resolution