恩典国际圣经学院

第六课 愧疚和羞耻
lesson 6 Guilt and Shame

Guilt and Shame 愧疚和羞耻
Case Study … 1 案例研究… 1

Nancy is a 56-year-old single woman whose mother has died. She has always lived close to her mother but had a rather distant relationship with her. Nancy cared for her mother during a prolonged illness, which involved several hospitalizations. Nancy’s mother was difficult to get along with at times. In frustration, Nancy had said some hurtful things to her mother. Now that her mother is dead, Nancy misses her and feels horrible about the things she said to her mother.

南希是位56岁的单身妇女,她的母亲已经去世。她住的地方和母亲一直很近,但和她母亲的关系较疏远。南希在她母亲长期的生病期间和住院期间照顾她。南希的母亲有时很难相处。心里沮丧时,南希说了一些伤害她母亲的话。现在,她母亲去世了,南希很想念她,对自己向母亲说过的话深感愧疚。

Sean is an 8-year-old boy. He is the youngest of four siblings. Sean is often left to himself, since his siblings are much older than he. One day Sean was playing in the house and broke one of his mother’s cherished vases. Sean’s mother was very upset and repeatedly questioned Sean’s behavior. She asked him again and again: “How could you do such a thing?” Whenever Sean made mistakes, his mother would respond with similar questions such as: “What is wrong with you? I can’t believe you could be so careless?” Over the years, Sean developed a very shy personality and was never really happy with his life.

肖恩是个8岁的男孩。他是兄弟姐妹中最小的。肖恩常常独自一人呆着,因为他的兄弟姐妹年纪都比他大很多。一天肖恩在房间玩耍时打破了一个他妈妈珍爱的花瓶。肖恩的妈妈很烦恼,不断质问肖恩的行为。她一次又一次地问:“你怎么能做这样的事?” 任何时候肖恩犯了错,他母亲问用类似的问题:“你怎么搞得?我难以相信你竟如此粗心?” 几年以后,肖恩形成了非常害羞的个性,对自己的生活从来没有真正感到幸福。

Terms/Definitions … 2 术语/定义… 2

Guilt is a feeling of deep regret that is caused by something we have done to someone else or to ourselves.

愧疚是因为我们对别人或对自己所做的事产生痛悔的感觉,。

Shame is the feeling remorse and responsibility we place on ourselves because we did not measure up to someone else’s expectations or behaviors.

羞耻是因为我们没有达到某人的期待和要求感到懊悔以及自己应承担责任。

Guilt is regret for making mistakes.

愧疚指对犯错误的事情感到后悔。

Shame is regret for being a mistake.

羞耻为成为错误本身而感到后悔。

Causes/Character … 3 原因/特征 … 3

Guilt is the result of result of a law or rule being violated.

愧疚是对违反了规则或律法的结果而产生的后果。

There is a difference between being guilty and “feeling” guilty.

有罪和“感觉”愧疚是有差别的。

Feeling guilty may or may not be accurate. Just feeling guilty doesn’t mean a person has actually violated a moral or civil law.

感觉愧疚可能感觉是对的,也可能感觉不正确。只是有负罪感并不意味着人真的违反道德律或民法。

Guilt can develop into shame if illogical thoughts lead a person to internalize their feelings.

如果不合理的想法导致人内化他们的感觉,愧疚会发展成为羞耻。

Counseling Advice … 4 心理辅导建议… 4

Overwhelming feelings of guilt can occur even if there is no sin or wrong that has been committed. It is important for a counselor to be able to help a client to recognize the difference between guilt caused by wrong doing or internalized feelings of shame.

即使没有罪或没有犯错也可能产生难以抗拒的愧疚感。重要的是心理辅导员要能够帮助辅导对象对犯错产生的愧疚与愧疚内化成的羞耻感加以区分。

Many Christians go down this path. “I feel so guilty, I get depressed.” or “I failed again—how can I approach God? How can I face my spouse? How can I look at my child after the awful thoughts I had?” Anyone who is concerned about growing as a Christian has said things like this.

许多基督徒顺着这样的思路 “我感到太愧疚了,我感到郁闷。”或者“我又失败了”我怎样能接近神?我怎样能面对我的配偶?我怎样在有这些糟糕的想法后看待自己的孩子?” 任何一个为自己作为基督徒的生命成长担忧的人都曾经说过这样的话。

This struggle is a sign that God is working in your life. Guilt can be a good thing if it gets you looking for the right cure. If you don’t find the right cure, guilt can crush you because it leads to shame. David describes the crushing experience of guilt in Psalm 32:3-4 “… my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.”

争战标志着神在你的生命中做工。愧疚只有使你寻找正确的医治才是有益的。如果没有找到正确的医治,愧疚只会击垮你,因为它导致羞耻。大卫在诗篇32:3-4 描述这种被愧疚击垮的经验:“我 闭 口 不 认 罪 的 时 候 , 因 终 日 唉 哼 而 骨 头 枯 乾 。4黑 夜 白 日 , 你 的 手 在 我 身 上 沉 重 ; 我 的 精 液 耗 尽 , 如 同 夏 天 的 乾 旱 。”

Look at how David internalized his guilt. Guilt focuses our attention on our actions and behaviors. If left unresolved, guilt quickly gives way to shame, which internalizes thoughts and feelings about one’s self.

观察大卫怎样内化他的愧疚。愧疚使我们的注意力集中在我们的行动和行为上。如果不解决愧疚感,很快就被羞耻取代,即内化了自己愧疚的思想和感觉。

Discuss how King David described his experience.

讨论大卫王怎样描述他的经历。

Steps to Follow … 5 遵循步骤… 5

It is necessary for a counselor to understand and also identify how people attempt to deal with guilt and shame issues in order to offer biblical guidance. A discussion of those attempts are as follows:

心理辅导员务必要理解并明确人们如何试图处理愧疚和羞耻问题,从而提供圣经的指导。以下是人们企图解决的方法:

1)Deny There Is A Problem; 否认有问题

This approach to guilt denies the existence of God (or at least the God of the Bible). It might get rid of a lot of those pesky guilt-ridden rules in the Bible (e.g. the 10 Commandments). But does this really work? What happens when you decide to live by your own standards and you fail to keep them? What if you break your own rules? You are right back where you started—feeling terribly guilty and not knowing how to deal with it.

这种对待愧疚的方法否认神的存在(或至少圣经上的神)。这可能排除了很多圣经中讨厌的,令人有负罪感的规定(比如十诫)。但是这真的有用吗?当你决定根据自己的标准生活,却无法遵守时会怎么样?如果你违反自己的原则呢?你马上回到你的起点— 感到极为愧疚,却不知道该怎么办。

So if you think your guilt is only a byproduct of the rules set by your family and culture, then why do people try so hard to escape their guilty feelings? What is it that makes you feel guilty? Think about what people tend to do when they experience guilt. People overcompensate in order to deny it. Some people overeat, some exercise, some shop, some drink or turn to drugs, some sleep too much, some can’t sleep at all—the list is endless. Why go to all this trouble for something that doesn’t exist? That’s because guilt is real and it transforms subtly into shame.

因此,如果你认为愧疚只是家庭或文化设立的规定的副产品而已,那么,为什么人们费那么大劲逃避他们的负罪感呢?是什么使你感到愧疚?思考一下当人们感到愧疚时他们想做什么呢。为了否认它,人们过分发泄。有些人暴饮暴食,有些人借助于锻炼,有些人购物,喝酒或吸毒,有些人嗜睡,有些人失眠——列举不完。为什么人们为了不存在的东西找这些麻烦呢?因为愧疚是真实的,它微妙地转化成羞耻。

2)Try To Be A Better Person; 努力做更好的人

If denying guilty feelings doesn’t work, then people can try another often used method for dealing with guilt: moral self-improvement, just try harder. You could call this “the New Year’s resolution” approach to guilt. The “Woulds, Shoulds, and Coulds” of life become “Will, Must, and Can!” When people notice guilt, they often resolve to stop doing the behavior that is bothering their conscience. Overeaters resolve to diet; the disorganized resolve to clean their closets; liars resolve to tell the truth; addicts resolve to stop their addictive behaviors; and the list goes on and on. What happens to all those resolutions? People are not able to keep them all— no one can be perfect – and so, guilty feelings return.

如果否认负罪感没有奏效,人们就会试图用其他常被使用的方法解决愧疚:道德的自我提高,就是更加努力。你可以称此为“新年矢志” 的方法。“希望,将要,可能”的生活变成“ 决心,必须,能够!” 当人们注意到愧疚,他们常常用停止做使他们良心不安的事情的办法来解决。暴食者节食;没条理的收拾衣柜;撒谎的讲真话;上瘾的停止他们的上瘾行为;以此类推。所有这些解决办法的结果如何呢?人们难以完全执行——没有人是完美的——因此,负罪感又产生了。

3)Compare Yourself To Others 和别人相比较

Sometimes people make it easy for themselves and decide they don’t need to feel guilty as long as they can find someone who is acting worse than they are. People say things like, “I may get angry with my wife and kids, but at least I don’t hit them,” or “I may cheat on my taxes but at least I haven’t murdered anyone!” People deal with guilt by being self-righteous and critical of others. And they try to build themselves up by endlessly tearing other people down. What happens if there is no one else to comparisons fail? People become defeated. They realize they can’t handle their struggles on their own. And everybody else seems to be doing so more better coping with life! And then thoughts of shame enter people’s minds. People begin to think: “I am messed up! I can’t do anything right. I am a mistake!”

有时人们给自己找台阶下,认为只要他们发现有人做的比自己差,他们就不用感到愧疚。人们会这样讲:“我可能对妻子和孩子发火,但至少我不打他们,”或者“我偷税但至少我没有杀人。” 人们以自义和批评别人来解决愧疚感。他们通过不断地诋毁别人来抬举自己。如果没有其他人对比失败会怎么样呢?他们就感到挫败。他们意识到无法自己对付争战。其他人似乎都能更好地面对生活!然后羞耻的想法进入人的心里。他们开始想:“我一团糟!我尽做错事。我就是一个错误!”

A person dealing with shame issues needs to focus on the internalized feelings of self-worth and value.

解决羞耻问题的人需要注意自我价值的内化感觉。

A person dealing with guilt needs to focus on confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

解决愧疚问题的人需要专注于认罪饶恕和好

An action plan that a counselor can develop and utilize can be built off of the following points:

心理辅导员可以形成和使用的行为计划可以根据以下几点建立:

1)Listen to your feelings. Guilt is a sign that something is not right. Lead your client to recognize guilt as a gauge to help monitor God-pleasing behavior.

倾听你的感觉。愧疚标志着事情不对劲。带领你的辅导对象把愧疚看作一个测量仪来帮助监督我们的行为讨神喜悦。

2)Know the difference. Guilt can be the result of sin or it may be unresolved feelings of shame from the past. Instruct and encourage your client in the difference between a conscience convicted by God’s law and a conscience bruised by past regrets and disappointed caused by others.

知道区别 。 愧疚可能是罪的结果,也可能是过去没有解决的羞耻感。教导并鼓励你的辅导对象区分被神的律法控告的良心,被过去的后悔损伤的良心,和因别人造成的失望三者的不同。

3)Confess it to God. Trust in God’s forgiveness. And move past it with God’s help.

Realize that Satan is the great accuser (Rev. 12:10), the Holy Spirit is not! Where God has worked forgiveness, there sin is forgotten!

向神承认。相信神的饶恕 。靠着神的帮助越过过去的经历

要知道撒旦是控告者(启示录12:10),而不是圣灵!神在哪里做饶恕的工作,哪里就罪得赦免!

4)Stay Close to the Word. Lead the client to a regular habit of Bible study and prayer on this matter. Encourage the practice of daily repentance and forgiveness with others in his/her life. (Scheutze & Matzke, 1988)

紧跟神的话语。 带领辅导对象养成学习圣经和常常为此祷告的习惯。鼓励操练每日认罪悔改,生活中与人彼此饶恕。

Light on the Path … 6 路上的光… 6

Genesis 3:10 ~ “So [Adam] said, ‘I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

创世纪3:10“他 说 : 我 在 园 中 听 见 你 的 声 音 , 我 就 害 怕 ; 因 为 我 赤 身 露 体 , 我 便 藏 了 。”

How did Adam express his guilt?

亚当怎样表达他的愧疚?

Recall the three ways that most people attempt to deal with guilt and shame (see above). Explain how Adam’s solution in Genesis 3:10 relied on the following human solutions: 1) Deny There Is a Problem and 2) Try To Be A Better Person.

回忆大多数人想要对付愧疚和羞耻(参看上面)的三种方式。请解释创世纪3:10中亚当怎样依赖于人的解决方法:1)否认有问题 2)努力成为更好的人。

Find Biblical evidence from Genesis 3 to prove that both Adam and Eve also attempted Step 3) Compare Yourself to Others.

从创世纪3章找到圣经的证据来证明亚当和夏娃也试图 步骤 3)拿自己和其他人相比较。

God says in the Bible that the guilt we feel is real. There is a God who made us and the rest of the world, and He does require us to be perfect (Leviticus 19:2). Sadly, none of us are (Romans 3:23). We have all broken God’s two greatest commands: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27).

神在圣经上教导我们的愧疚感是真实的。有一位创造我们和世界万物的神,他确实要求我们完美(利未记19:2)。不幸的是,我们都不完美(罗马书3:23)。我们都违背了神的两大诫命:“他 回 答 说 : “你 要 尽 心 、 尽 性 、 尽 力 、 尽 意 爱 主 ─ 你 的 神 ; 又 要 爱 邻 舍 如 同 自 己 。”(路加10:27)。

How does God’s approach help people to properly deal with guilt and shame?

神的方法怎样帮助人正确处理愧疚和羞耻?

Read Romans 8:1 ~ “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

罗马书8:1“如 今 , 那 些 在 基 督 耶 稣 里 的 就 不 定 罪 了 。”

Why does the law bring condemnation?

为什么律法给人定罪?

Why does the law also bring guilt?

为什么律法也使人愧疚?

In Romans 5:8, Paul writes ~ “but God demonstrates his love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” The word “for” in this verse means “in our place.” Jesus came and died in your place. He was your substitute. He paid the penalty of your sin so you could be free from guilt and be reconciled to God. This gospel truth free us from the condemnation Paul mentions in Romans 8:1.

罗马书5:8,保罗写到:“惟 有 基 督 在 我 们 还 作 罪 人 的 时 候 为 我 们 死 , 神 的 爱 就 在 此 向 我 们 显 明 了 。” 在这节经文中“为”的意思是“代替我们”。耶稣来到世上,为我们的罪而死。他是我们的代替者。他为我们的罪担当刑罚,好叫我们从罪中得自由,与神和好。这个福音真理使我们从保罗在罗马书8:1节提到的定罪中得自由。

Now, use these passages (Romans 5:8 and 8:1) to explain this statement: If Christ no longer condemns me, then neither should I.

现在,使用这些经文(罗马书5:8 and 8:1))来解释这句话:如果基督不再定我的罪,我也不要再定自己的罪了。

Some Mindful Questions … 7 思考题… 7

1)Why do you feel guilty?

你为什么感到愧疚?

2)Have you done anything in the past to resolve these feelings? If so, what?

你以前做过任何事情来处理这种感觉吗?如果做过,怎么样?

3)How did your parents discipline you as a child?

当你是孩子的时候,你的父母亲怎样管教你?

4)Do you allow others to make you feel guilty?

你允许其他人使你感到愧疚吗?

5)Do you trust that God has forgiven you in Christ?

你相信神在基督里已经饶恕你了吗?

Now, It’s Your Turn … 8 现在,实例练习… 8

Nancy is a 56-year-old single woman whose mother has died. She has always lived close to her mother but had a rather distant relationship with her. Nancy cared for her mother during a prolonged illness, which involved several hospitalizations. Nancy’s mother was difficult to get along with at times. In frustration, Nancy had said some hurtful things to her mother. Now that her mother is dead, Nancy misses her and feels horrible about the things she said to her mother.

南希是位56岁的单身妇女,她的母亲已经去世。她住的地方总是和母亲很近,但和她母亲的关系较疏远。南希在她母亲长期的生病期间和住院期间照顾她。南希的母亲有时很难相处。南希在沮丧时说了一些伤害她母亲的话。现在,她的母亲去世了,南希很想念她,对自己向母亲说过的话深感愧疚。

Sean is an 8-year-old boy. He is the youngest of four siblings. Sean is often left to himself, since his siblings are much older than he. One day Sean was playing in the house and broke one of his mother’s cherished vases. Sean’s mother was very upset and repeatedly questioned Sean’s behavior. She asked him again and again: “How could you do such a thing?” Whenever Sean made mistakes, his mother would respond with similar questions such as: “What is wrong with you? I can’t believe you could be so careless?” Over the years, Sean developed a very shy personality and was never really happy with his life.

肖恩是个8岁的男孩。他是4个兄弟姐妹中年纪最小的。肖恩常常独自一人被扔在一边,因为他的兄弟姐妹都比他大很多。一天肖恩在房间玩耍时打破了一个他妈妈珍爱的花瓶。肖恩的妈妈很生气,不断质问肖恩的行为。她一次又一次问:“你怎么能做这样的事?” 任何时候肖恩犯了错,他母亲就问类似的问题:“你怎么回事?我难以相信你竟如此粗心?” 几年以后,肖恩形成了非常害羞的个性,对自己的生活从来没有真正高兴过。

Identify which client is dealing with guilt and which client is plagued by shame.

确定哪个辅导对象在处理愧疚的问题,哪个是被羞耻折磨。

Is the guilt caused by something the individual had done or by someone else?

这种愧疚是因为自己做的事情导致还是因为别人引起的?

Based on the discussion in this lesson, answer the following:

基于本课的讨论,请回答以下问题:

How would you counsel Nancy in her struggle with guilt?

你怎样辅导在愧疚中挣扎的南希?

What approach would you take with Sean?

你采用什么方法帮助肖恩?

References:

Schuetze, A., Matzke, F. 1988. The Counseling Shepherd. Milwaukee, WI: Northwestern Publishing House.

Christian-Counseling-Part 1
基督徒心理辅导 大纲
Christian Counseling Catalog
第一课 上瘾
lesson 1 Addictions
第二课 抑郁症
lesson 2 Depression
第三课 焦虑
lesson 3 Anxiety
第四课 妒忌和羡慕
lesson 4 Jealousy and Envy
第五课 生气的解决方案
lesson 5 Anger Resolution
第六课 愧疚和羞耻
lesson 6 Guilt and Shame
第七课 悲痛和损失
lesson 7 Grief and Loss
第八课 自尊
lesson 8 Self Esteem
第六课 愧疚和羞耻
lesson 6 Guilt and Shame