恩典国际圣经学院

第八课 自尊
lesson 8 Self Esteem

Self Esteem 自尊
Case Study … 1 案例… 1

Susan is 24 years old. She hates the way she looks. She thinks that she needs to lose weight and is displeased with her facial features. As a result, Susan is very shy and has difficulty making friends. She was recently laid off of work has not tried to look for a new job. She blames her appearance for her unemployment.

苏珊24岁。她讨厌自己的长相。她认为自己需要减肥,她对自己的面容不满意。结果,苏珊非常害羞,很难交朋友。她最近失去工作,还没有努力寻找一个新工作。她把失业归咎为她的长相。

Steve has had many girlfriends throughout his adult life. He tries very hard at impressing women and is quick to make sexual advances. He can never seem to settle on a long-term relationship, however. He always calls off the relationship for fear of rejection.

史蒂夫成年后有过很多女朋友。他极力给女性朋友留下好印象,而且很快发生性关系。然而他似乎永远无法固定一个长期的关系。他总是因为害怕被抛弃而终止关系。

Terms/Definitions … 2 术语/定义… 2

Self-esteem refers to a person’s subjective sense of value or worth.

自尊指个人的主观价值

There is a difference between self-esteem and sinful pride.

自尊不同于罪性的骄傲。

Self-esteem is established by God and not by others.

自尊是由神而不是其他人建立的。

There can be an accurate and inaccurate self-esteem.

有正确的自尊意识和不正确的自尊意识。

(Sedikides & Gress, 2003)

Causes/Character … 3 原因/特征… 3

Signs of low self-esteem are as follows:

自卑的标志如下:

  • Uncertainty or confusion about inner value or worth;

  • 对于内在价值的不确定或困惑;

  • Develop a habit of avoiding risk and potential loss;

  • 形成一个逃避风险和潜在损失的习惯;

  • Person is described as shy or modest;

  • 在别人眼中性格害羞或温和;

  • A tendency toward depression and anxiety;

  • 有抑郁和焦虑的倾向;

  • Inability to trust other people;

  • 失去信任别人的能力;

  • Feelings of self-loathing or incompetence.

  • 自我讨厌和感觉无能。

(Baumeister, 1993)

Counseling Advice … 4 心理辅导建议… 4

Feelings of low self-esteem often build up over a lifetime. Those feelings are not easily changed or overcome. The counselor’s goal is not to speak untruths to the client. Instead, the goal is to help the client replace false, illogical thoughts of him/herself with positive, more realistic beliefs. These are called affirmations.

Using affirmations to stop negative self-talk is a simple, positive way to help increase self-esteem. Affirmations are encouraging messages we can give ourselves every day until they become part of our feelings and beliefs. Affirmations work best when a person is relaxed. People are often upset or anxious when they are giving themselves negative self-messages. It is important to battle false, negative messages with more realistic, positive ones.

自卑的感觉常常是经过一段时间形成。这些感觉不容易改变或克服。心理辅导员的目的不是对辅导对象不讲真话。实际上,目的是帮助辅导对象以积极,更现实的信念代替对自己的虚假,不合理的想法。这被称为肯定法。

使用肯定法来停止消极的自我对话是一个帮助提高自尊的简单,积极的方法。肯定法就是我们每天给自己鼓励的信息,直到成为我们的感觉和信念。当人放松时肯定法最有果效。当人们给自己消极的信息时常常感到不安和焦虑。用更附合实际,积极的信息战胜虚假,消极的信息非常重要。

An example of Affirmation is as follows:

肯定法的例子如下:

Replace the message “I made a stupid mistake,” with “Yes, I made a mistake but I have learned from it, and now I can a better job.”

不说“我犯了一个愚蠢的错误” 而是“对,我犯了一个错,但我已经吸取教训,现在我可以做得更好。”

Read Romans 12:3. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

阅读罗马书12:3我 凭 着 所 赐 我 的 恩 对 你 们 各 人 说 : 不 要 看 自 己 过 於 所 当 看 的 , 要 照 着 神 所 分 给 各 人 信 心 的 大 小 , 看 得 合 乎 中 道 。

What biblical principle does St. Paul establish?

使徒保罗确定了什么符合圣经的原则?

Apply that principle to the concept of “Affirmations” as explained above.

请应用这个原则在上面所解释的“肯定法” 的理念上。

Steps to Follow … 5 遵循步骤… 5

It is important to someone with self-esteem issues to come to a realistic understanding of value and worth as a human being. The following steps are helpful in leading a person on that path of change:

对于有自尊问题的人,符合实际地理解人的价值非常重要。以下步骤带领人做出这方面的改变是很有帮助的:

1)Realize Your Worth

认识自己的价值

2)Recognize Your Nature

承认自己的本性

3)Change In Thoughts

改变想法

4)Change In Attitude

改变态度。

The goal of this type of counseling is that the individual comes to realize the value and significance that the Lord places on the individual.

这类心理辅导的目的是使个人认识到神放在人身上的价值和意义。

Light on the Path … 6d 路上的光… 6d

Read Romans 7:18-20 读罗马书7:18-20

18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

我 也 知 道 在 我 里 头 , 就 是 我 肉 体 之 中 , 没 有 良 善 。 因 为 , 立 志 为 善 由 得 我 , 只 是 行 出 来 由 不 得 我 。 19故 此 , 我 所 愿 意 的 善 , 我 反 不 做 ; 我 所 不 愿 意 的 恶 , 我 倒 去 做 。 20若 我 去 做 所 不 愿 意 做 的 , 就 不 是 我 做 的 , 乃 是 住 在 我 里 头 的 罪 做 的 。

St Paul admits that he cannot do any good. Does he have a low self-esteem? Why? Why not?

使徒保罗承认他行不出善来。他自卑吗?为什么?

The apostle admits: “I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” What is Paul describing in this verse? Why is it important to lead people to recognize their sinful nature when addressing self-esteem issues?

使徒保罗承认:“立 志 为 善 由 得 我 , 只 是 行 出 来 由 不 得 我 。”保罗在这节经文中讲述什么?为什么在解决自尊的问题时带领人认识他们的罪性很重要?

Read 7:21-25 读7:21-25

21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

我 觉 得 有 个 律 , 就 是 我 愿 意 为 善 的 时 候 , 便 有 恶 与 我 同 在 。 22因 为 按 着 我 里 面 的 意 思 ( 原 文 是 人 ) , 我 是 喜 欢 神 的 律 ; 23但 我 觉 得 肢 体 中 另 有 个 律 和 我 心 中 的 律 交 战 , 把 我 掳 去 , 叫 我 附 从 那 肢 体 中 犯 罪 的 律 。 24我 真 是 苦 阿 ! 谁 能 救 我 脱 离 这 取 死 的 身 体 呢 ? 25感 谢 神 , 靠 着 我 们 的 主 耶 稣 基 督 就 能 脱 离 了 。 这 样 看 来 , 我 以 内 心 顺 服 神 的 律 , 我 肉 体 却 顺 服 罪 的 律 了 。

What is Paul’s solution to his ongoing struggle with his sinful flesh?

保罗和自己的罪性持续争战的解决办法是什么?

What does Jesus offer true affirmation to sinful people?

耶稣给予对罪人真正的肯定法是什么?

Read 2 Corinthians 5:21 ~ “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

哥林多后书5:21“神 使 那 无 罪 ( 无 罪 : 原 文 是 不 知 罪 ) 的 , 替 我 们 成 为 罪 , 好 叫 我 们 在 他 里 面 成 为 神 的 义 。”

Use that passage to identify the following:

应用这节经文明确下面两点:

  • Self-esteem in Christ as a gauge of self-worth and value

  • 基督里的自尊作为自我价值的量尺

  • Realistic understanding of ‘self’ (sin and grace)

  • 切乎实际的理解“自我”(罪和恩典)

How do these words from Paul help us Christians understand the struggle of loving ourselves?

保罗的这些话怎样帮助我们基督徒理解是否爱自己的问题。

If someone were to ask us Christians the question, “Do you love yourself?” We could plainly tell them the answer, “yes,” and the answer “no.” Explain.

如果有人问我们基督徒这样的问题“你爱自己吗?”我们可以坦白地告诉他们答案“是的”和“不”。请解释。

Some Mindful Questions … 7 思考题… 7

Do you find it difficult to love yourself?

你发现很难爱自己吗?

Do you lack a sense of purpose or belonging?

你缺乏目标或归属感吗?

Do you feel you have a poor self-image?

你感到自我形象差吗?

Do you avoid trying new things because you are afraid you will fail?

你因为害怕失败而避免尝试新事物吗?

Do you ever think you of yourself as a mistake?

你曾经认为自己是个错误吗?

Do you call yourself stupid?

你说自己愚蠢吗?

Is it hard for you to forgive?

饶恕别人对你很难吗?

How often to you compare yourself with others?

多久你拿自己和别人相比?

What sorts of activities/circumstances make you feel self-conscious?

什么样的活动/情况使你感到难为情?

Now, It’s Your Turn … 8 实例练习… 8

Susan is 24 years old. She hates the way she looks. She thinks that she needs to lose weight and is displeased with her facial features. As a result, Susan is very shy and has difficulty making friends. She was recently laid off of work has not tried to look for a new job. She blames her appearance for her unemployment.

苏珊24岁。她讨厌自己的长相。她认为自己需要减肥,她对自己的面容不满意。结果,苏珊非常害羞,很难交朋友。她最近失去工作,还没有努力寻找一个新工作。她把失业归咎为她的长相。

Steve has had many girlfriends throughout his adult life. He tries very hard at impressing women and is quick to make sexual advances. He can never seem to settle on a long-term relationship, however. He always calls off the relationship for fear of rejection.

史蒂夫成年后有很多女朋友。他极力给女性朋友留下好印象,而且很快发生性关系。然而他似乎永远无法固定一个长期的关系。他总是因为害怕被抛弃而终止关系。

Read Psalm 139:13-14 读诗篇139:13-14

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

我 的 肺 腑 是 你 所 造 的 ; 我 在 母 腹 中 , 你 已 覆 庇 我 。

14我 要 称 谢 你 , 因 我 受 造 , 奇 妙 可 畏 ; 你 的 作 为 奇 妙 , 这 是 我 心 深 知 道 的 。

As a counselor, how would you use these verses to offer encouragement to Susan?

作为一个心理辅导员,你怎样使用这段经文来鼓励苏珊?

Have Susan make a list of 5 things she believes she is good at and 5 things she’d like to change. Explain how that might be a beneficial exercise for her.

让苏珊列出认为她自己擅长的5件事和她想改变的5件事。请解释为什么这对她是是有益的操练。

Read 1 John 3:1. 读约翰一书3:1.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

你 看 父 赐 给 我 们 是 何 等 的 慈 爱 , 使 我 们 得 称 为 神 的 儿 女 ; 我 们 也 真 是 他 的 儿 女 。 世 人 所 以 不 认 识 我 们 , 是 因 未 曾 认 识 他 。

Discuss the truths in that passage that might you be able to develop in order to help Steve with the following areas:

讨论这节经文中你能阐述的事实,在以下方面帮助史蒂夫:

a)the opinion he has of himself;

他对自己的看法;

b)the opinion he has of women in general.

他对女性的一般看法。

References:

Sedikides, C.,& Gress, A.P. (2003). Portraits of the self. Sage Handbook of social psychology (pp. 110-138).

London, United Kingdom: Sage.

Baumeister, R. (1993). Self-esteem. New York: Plenum Press.

Christian-Counseling-Part 1
基督徒心理辅导 大纲
Christian Counseling Catalog
第一课 上瘾
lesson 1 Addictions
第二课 抑郁症
lesson 2 Depression
第三课 焦虑
lesson 3 Anxiety
第四课 妒忌和羡慕
lesson 4 Jealousy and Envy
第五课 生气的解决方案
lesson 5 Anger Resolution
第六课 愧疚和羞耻
lesson 6 Guilt and Shame
第七课 悲痛和损失
lesson 7 Grief and Loss
第八课 自尊
lesson 8 Self Esteem
第八课 自尊
lesson 8 Self Esteem